


Enter Parker and Jeremy

by AgentSprings



Series: Fake Pine 7 [4]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, Sugar Pine 7 RPF
Genre: Fake Pine Seven, First Meeting, Gen, Sugar Pine 7 - Freeform, fake pine 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentSprings/pseuds/AgentSprings
Summary: How Cib accidentally brought a drug dealer and his very protective friend into the Sugar Pine 7 Crew





	Enter Parker and Jeremy

Steve had spent the last few months adjusting to living in a two bedroom apartment with two new people. It hadn’t completely been smooth sailing when James had found out that they weren’t a real gang they both kind of expected him to leave but he surprised them and stuck around. Of course, they didn’t always get along perfectly, there were only two rooms for the three of them so sometimes they would get on each other's nerves and not have a space to cool down. It also became clear that they all got pretty addicted to vaping and only Steve had a real job so they needed another source of cash. 

“Cib! Did you fucking go through my wallet again?” Steve yelled from his bedroom.

“Bro! You know I need my vapes! Don’t be a fucking douchdick bagwad,” Cib called back from where he was laying upside down on the couch.

“Dude, we also need a place to live asshole,” Steve said coming out of the room and staring at him.

“What about James? What kind of money does he bring in?”

“I bring in money dick. You don’t bring in any money,” James said popping his head out from the kitchen.

“I brought in you, so then every bit of money you bring in is what I brought in.”

“That doesn’t make any fucking sense dude,” James flipped Cib’s legs off of the back of the couch.

“You don’t make fucking sense.”

“Guys!” Steve snapped, “The point is we need more money and I’m open to suggestions.”

“I could give you a blowjob,” Cib offered.

“No, Cib, that isn’t the answer to this problem.”

“But it could be the solution to another problem.”

“I mean… Wait Cib no. Stop. Money problems.” 

“So,” James said, flopping down next to Cib on the couch, “What if we go sell some of our shit? Or hold up a store or something.”

“How about we do both of those things, find some shit to sell first.” Steve turned to go back into his room to grab the few things he had to sell. He heard James and Cib bickering as they went into their room, hopefully, to find something they could pawn.

After an hour or so, they all meet back up at the car but unfortunately, Cib got there first which meant, Cib got to drive. They had been driving for about five minutes before Cib slammed on the breaks at a stop sign, not quite stopping just slowing down slightly before blowing through it.

“Cib, if you get us pulled over or killed I’m gonna kill you,” James said from where he had been stuck in the back seat.

“Can’t haunt me if we’re dead you fucking idiot.”

“You know what I meant fucker.”

“Oh my god just shut the fuck up,” Steve said reaching back to smack James’ leg

“Don’t fucking hit me dickwad,” James said leaning forward to hit Steve’s arm.

“Fuck yeah, fighting boys,” Cib said turning to face them, letting go of the steering wheel in the process.

“Cib!” James and Steve shouted at once, James reaching for Cib and Steve reaching for the wheel. In all of the madness in that moment the car jerked up onto the curb headed straight for a pedestrian.

“Fuck!” They all yelled as Cib slammed on the breaks, bracing for impact. The car skidded into the pedestrian, his body bouncing off of the hood as they finally stopped.

 

“Cib you fucking killed a guy,” Steve said as they all got out of the car to see the person. He was an unconscious guy about their age and kind of dopey looking.

“What do we do? Steve, what the fuck do we do?” Cib cried, grabbing onto his arm. James knelt down and touched the side of his neck.

“He’s not dead, but you definitely hit him Cib.”

“Put him in the car, there’s no one around, we can’t just leave him here,” Steve replied, pushing his baseball hat back in distress. 

“So we’re not going to the pawn shop?” Cib asked while James picked up the unconscious guy.

“No you fucking idiot. We have to take him to a hospital.” James said

“We can’t take him to a hospital, we hit him with a car, fuck wait, Cib hit him with a car,” Steve said climbing into the driver’s seat after pushing Cib into the passenger’s seat. “The car better fucking work asshole.”

James climbed into the back seat, then buckled the stranger in next to him. “Listen, wherever we’re going we need to go now. Before anyone shows up.”

Steve drove them all back to the apartment, where he and James carried the unconscious man up, letting Cib go ahead of them to hold the door.

“Ok, so now we have an unconscious man in our apartment. Steve, please tell me you have a part two to this plan,” James said staring at the man he just unceremoniously dumped on the couch. 

“Nope. This is as far as my plan goes. I just wanted to get us off the street.” 

“Yo, do you guys want snacks?” Cib asked, already headed to the kitchen.

“Cib what the fuck, you just hit a guy,” James said following after him, leaving Steve along with the stranger.

“Well, I hope you don’t have any internal bleeding. I need to check to see if you’re like wounded or some shit. Ugh fuck, I hate you both!” He said, yelling the last part towards the kitchen. He leaned forward to see if he was breathing. As he leaned in closer the guys suddenly flew open, startling him as he leapt backward.

“What the fuck!” The previously unconscious man cried, flinging himself over the back of the couch.

“You were dead!” Steve yelled. 

“What happened?!” James yelled as he and Cib came running in from the kitchen, James wielding a kitchen knife and Cib holding a frying pan like a club.

“Oh, what up dude? You’re very bouncy.” Cib said, lowering his pan and walking over towards him. James grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him back to his side. 

“Where the fuck am I? What the fuck happened? Why the fuck does my head hurt?” The guy said.

“Well we hit you with our car, and then we brought you back here to our apartment. And my name is Cib! That asshole over there is Steve and this guy holding my shirt is James,” Cib said waving again at the guy.

“Cib stop. We don’t know who he is,” James said stepping in front of him.

“I mean we did hit him with our car, wait Cib hit him with my car, and we kinda kidnapped him,” Steve cut in, staying next to the couch.

“My name is Parker, and I mean, did you mean to hit me with your car?” The now named Parker asked.

“Nope, what the fuck were you doing in front of my car?” Cib said, looking over James’ head.

“Cib!” James reached back and smacked him, not taking his eyes off of Parker.

“You mean on the sidewalk? I was walking?” Parker said, looking back and forth between the armed James and the unarmed Steve. He had slowly started shuffling so that Steve was standing between himself and James.

“James put the fucking knife down. Parker? Do you have any weapons?” Steve asked.

“No, I’m completely unarmed,” Parker said, pulling his arms up in front of himself. James lowered the knife, but he didn’t move from his position in front of Cib.

“So Parker, uh, sorry for hitting you with our car. This is our apartment, can we get you anything?” Steve asked.

“I mean, I got hit by a car? I’m in pain and it sucks.” 

“I think we have some ibuprofen? I don’t think we have anything stronger, except some alcohol maybe?” Steve said. “Here, sit on the couch and we’ll deal with this, as long as you promise not to call the police on us?”

“I mean, I guess? Hey if we’re friends now, do you want to buy some drugs?” As soon as Parker said that Cib’s eyes lit up, a grin slowly spreading across his face. 

“Drugs? Do you have like vape shit?” He ran over and started patting him down.

“Uh, not on me? Even if I did it would be broken as shit dude. You just ran me over.” Parker said looking slightly uncomfortable, eyeing James with a grimace on his face.

“Sucks like a duck dude.” Cib went into the kitchen to find some first aid equipment. James put the knife down and walked towards Parker.

“Alright, let me feel your ribs, I need to know if you have anything broken. I also need to check for a concussion.”

“Uh, does it have to be you?” 

“I mean, you can have it be this asshole but he doesn’t have any form of medical experience,” James said, taking a step back and gesturing at Steve.

“Can he stick around? To keep you from stabbing me?” Parker was still eyeing the knife on the table suspiciously.

“I mean, you’re a drug dealer can’t you handle yourself?” Steve said turning to go over to the kitchen to see if Cib had found anything. Parker kept himself completely still and just looked uncomfortable as James was checking him for wounds.

“Alright dude, I think you have a little concussion, but not too bad. You also managed to not break a single bone or anything? Fucking miracle if you ask me,” James said standing up and turning to call into the kitchen, “Guys, have you found the fucking drugs yet?”

“Coming asshole,” Cib called back, running into the room with a bottle of water and just an armful of medicine.

“Dude you were gone for fucking ever. Were you actually sucking his dick this time?”

“You’ll never know,” Cib smirked, raising an eyebrow, “Now take the drugs and fix him so he can leave.” 

“Oh, I have to leave?” Parker said from the couch. 

“I mean you can’t hang out here? We’re not a charity.” James said, picking up the knife and heading back into the kitchen. Once he was gone Cib leaned towards Parker.

“You can totally hang out here dude, we’re a gang and we love new people, especially people with drugs.” 

“Sweet dude, thanks.”

“There’s just one stipulant.” Cib grabbed his arm and squeezed,  _ hard, _ “You have to bring us vape supplies, all the fucking time.”

“Fuck dude, deal, let go of my arm now please,” Parker cried, trying to pull his arm out of Cib’s grasp. Cib grinned at him and passed him the drugs. Parker took them and just as Steve and James walked into the room.

“Ok, so you’re ready to leave right? And never come back,” Steve said as soon as he saw Parker.

“Uh, Cib said I could stay.”

“Cib what the fuck?” James snapped.

“He’s gonna bring me vape shit. I wanna keep him.” Cib crossed his arms and glared. Parker looked slightly terrified to be in the room. James threw his arms in the air and stormed into his bedroom, while Steve just layed face down on the ground and sighed deeply.

“So I have to go get some shit, and then I’ll be back here soon,” Parker said, standing up moving towards the door. 

“Sure dude, see you soon,” Cib said getting up and going over to Steve to poke at him with his foot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parker had been gone for about an hour and a half before James came out of his room.

“Parker dude? Really? He seem’s like the worst person ever in the world. Why would you invite him?” 

“Need the vape my dude. It’s how I got you into the crew and that worked out well. And I think I killed him,” Cib said continuing to poke at Steve.

“Not dead, except on the inside. I fucking hate you Cib,” Steve said into the carpet.

“Don’t suffocate, Steve,” James said walking past to sit on the couch. “Do you think he’s going to think we just invited him to move in?” 

“I fucking hope not. You never want to live with your drug dealer,” Cib said, laying down and putting his head in the center of Steve’s back.

“Dude you basically invited him to move in with us. And if he moves in with us I’m going to kill you,” James said taking a hit from his own vape.

“Dude no, it’ll be cool and fine,” Cib said, using his own vape, a knock startling all of them. They all turned their heads towards the door with varying looks of dread. James stood up to go answer it while Cib and Steve scrambled to their feet. As soon as James opened up the door they saw Parker and with a stranger standing next to him.   
  
“I’m back. This is Jeremy. Hi James, here’s some vape juice.” Parker said handing him a bag. James stepped back in pure shock letting Parker and Jeremy into the apartment. “So was your offer for me to hang out also an offer to move in? Cause we’re currently between houses and this would be a perfect place to live.” 

Steve, shocked into silence, laid down on the ground again.

“Oh dude, I don’t know, I mean like, you shouldn’t live with your drug dealer?” Cib started to try to turn him away, but as he was talking Jeremy pulled out a hunting knife.

“Are you the guy who hit Parker with a car.” He asked, cleaning his nails with the knife. Cib looked at the knife then back at James who had taken two steps back.

“Nope, definitely not me. You can take Steve’s room. We’ll move our shit right now,” Cib laughed, taking a step back and accidentally kicking Steve in the side. Steve started to pull himself up from the ground.

“Now hold on a seco-,” That was when he caught sight of Jeremy, the knife, and the terrified look in Cib and James’ eyes. 

“Let’s go clean out your room Steve!” James said quickly, running over and dragging both him and Cib into Steve’s room.

“OK! We’re gonna go get our stuff!” Parker called after them. They waited for the front door to shut before they turned towards each other.

“Are, are we being held up for a room in my shitty apartment? Are we being blackmailed?” Steve whispered to James.

“Technically yes. And it’s all Cib’s fault. But if we don’t have your shit in our room by the time he gets back I think he’s going to kill us. So start packing boss boy.”

“Fucking Parker. Fucking Cib. I fucking hate you both. Not you James, you’re perfect.” Steve said as he threw open his closet and started packing his stuff. 

It was a miracle that they all got everything out of his room and moved into the other room. James and Steve agreed that because Cib argued for Parker and also hit Parker to begin with, he could sleep on the floor. They all watched from the cracked door as Jeremy and Parker worked on moving their stuff into Steve’s old room. 

Over the next few weeks they slowly got to know each other, and while they were very sure that Jeremy was a serial killer, and that Parker was the most annoying person ever they were better than their first impressions. Jeremy was just as protective as James was, and as they all got closer he added them to the list of people he was protective of. Parker, it also turned out, was one of the most inconspicuous people ever, he was able to go unnoticed anywhere. With the addition of two more people they started to run some small-time robberies. Cib liked to insist that because he hit Parker he fixed all of their money problems that then started their Parker problems. Steve and James liked to ignore him when he said that.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://ryanthemadbitch.tumblr.com/)


End file.
